tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-55538068941394589752024-03-13T05:54:53.142-04:00Just for the RecordAnger me, challenge me, teach me, change me...
but NEVER, leave me the way you found me -author unknownAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04377811137315489753noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5553806894139458975.post-7962049175844566192014-12-08T20:09:00.000-05:002015-01-04T21:40:41.667-05:00So... I guess you should know I write poetryIf we ignore the incredibly long unexplained hiatus (sorry) something pretty big happened, I started sharing my poetry. Writing poetry isn't new to me, I have been doing so (mostly badly) since kindergarten (like I said... badly), but a month or so ago I did something out of character for me, I shared it at an open mic night (yeah, like with actual people... it surprised me too). After I dispelled whatever possessed me from my mind I actually felt... well... kinda good. So yeah poetry, who knew? Anyway, most of it is written in a little book I carry with me pretty much everywhere I go, and that's precisely where it shall stay. Today however I am in a sharing mood, so here it goes: my latest poem:<br />
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My heart is a dead language<o:p></o:p></div>
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and you…<o:p></o:p></div>
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You pronounce every syllable <i>perfectly<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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I spoke it clearly once before<o:p></o:p></div>
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but I…<o:p></o:p></div>
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I made that mistake secretly<o:p></o:p></div>
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Lacking as they were in exuberance,<o:p></o:p></div>
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my words could not escape their own
weight.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Those words that broke the silence<o:p></o:p></div>
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defied the my looming lonely fate.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Alas defiance grants no favor,<o:p></o:p></div>
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and I faced Hades as a rebel.<o:p></o:p></div>
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a shadowed soldier played the jailer,<o:p></o:p></div>
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For chains my mind’s own drivel.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Shackled as I was by my own prospects,<o:p></o:p></div>
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unable to escape from bonds so strong.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I thought of silver couplets,<o:p></o:p></div>
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but my heart composed a song.<o:p></o:p></div>
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What value could these lyrics claim?<o:p></o:p></div>
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What hope is there in art?<o:p></o:p></div>
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If the song’s stale dialect is the same<o:p></o:p></div>
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as the one that veils my heart.<o:p></o:p></div>
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A shout into the void they call it,<o:p></o:p></div>
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so why must I compose<o:p></o:p></div>
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just one more verse before my respite?<o:p></o:p></div>
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I’ll write it down then I suppose<o:p></o:p></div>
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in hopes that you will translate.<o:p></o:p></div>
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S'agapo, or so I think it goes,<o:p></o:p></div>
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I said it once in a spate<o:p></o:p></div>
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of the language of my woes.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I spoke it clearly once before<o:p></o:p></div>
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But I…<o:p></o:p></div>
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I made that mistake secretly<o:p></o:p></div>
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My heart is a dead language<o:p></o:p></div>
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And you…<o:p></o:p></div>
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You pronounce every syllable <i>perfectly<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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TA- 12/8/14<o:p></o:p></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04377811137315489753noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5553806894139458975.post-78710947150877973912014-08-09T14:24:00.003-04:002014-08-09T14:24:49.810-04:00Wordifying<div class="Textbody" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
So guys I have this freakish talent... it’s pretty great.
It takes a lifetime of work to master it as it requires a truly mesmerizing
amount of muscle control in my mouth, and throat... and abdomen. It can be
beautiful or terrifying depending on my mood and only 1/8.7 million species on
earth is capable of doing it.<o:p></o:p></div>
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yeah... it’s basically the coolest thing I can do.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I can talk (yay anticlimax!). Seriously though! WORDS!
crazy stuff... Noises come out of my food hole, and I direct them at other
people and they just go "yeah sounds great, I'll meet you at Buffalo Wild
Wings at 7:30”, it’s a miracle. The bigger miracle I think is that we don't
notice how remarkable an ability we possess. Think about it, we have words for
EVERYTHING! Just look around you, there are books (for your sake I hope so),
which are just a large cache of words which have a meaning (oh oh oh, more
words) its on PAPER attached to a SPINE, and paperbacks use CARDSTOCK, the back
of which contains BLURBS (yeah... blurbs... that’s a thing)<o:p></o:p></div>
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ALSO:</div>
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yeah, that’s a CHIMERA (hooray for horrific flashbacks to <i>Fullmetal
Alchemist</i>), we have a word for when people decide to randomly throw a bunch
of animals together. If I look around I see a LANYARD (what? Who came up with?
What?! Why?!) We have words... for words, NOUNS and VERBS, and ADJECTIVES, and
ADVERBS, and words for things that mean the same thing as other words and words
for things that have the opposite meaning of other words (homonyms and antonyms
respectively for all ya'll who done missed elementary school) We have so many
words that we have some words that mean the opposite of themselves, <b>INFLAMMABLE</b>
means both very easy to catch on fire... and very hard to catch on fire (Whaaaaaaaat?).
<b>SENGUINE</b> means both CHEERFULL... and BLOODTHIRSTY. GOOD NEWS THOUGH! We
have a word for when things mean the opposite of the thing that they mean
(AUTOANTONYM or CONTRANYM, not paradox... I'll get to that in a minute). BUT if
we didn't have a word for it there would still be a word for it (sound of me
blowing my own mind) (oh and being humble... don't forget that tidbit) because
we have a word for when there isn't a word for a thing (LACUNA). Yeah, take
some time to think about that... It is so unusual to encounter a situation in
which you don't have a word for a thing that most people don't even know that
there is a word for when the thing doesn't have a word for it (give it a
minute)(seriously... I'll wait).<o:p></o:p></div>
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We even have a word (phrase really... is that cheating? I
don't really know the rules I’m just winging this) for the best possible word
to use in any given situation (MOT JUSTE) which means that if you need the best
possible word to describe the best possible word it describes itself. In fact
there are a number of words that describe themselves, noun is a noun, CUTESY
sounds kind of adorable, MAGNILLIQUENT means grandiose (and also sounds pretty
dang grandiose), POLYSYLLABIC is polysyllabic, UNHYPHENATED is unhyphenated,
and at one point the word COINED... was coined. At this point I hope none of
you will be surprised to find that there is a word for words that describe
themselves, and that word is AUTOLOGICAL, which is also autological in that it
describes itself. That's not even the hard part though.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The hard
part is that autological has an antonym (HETEROLOGICAL, side note long is
heterological because it is a short word). Heterological doesn't describe
itself... because it doesn't describe itself... but it does describe itself...
because it doesn't describe itself(thus, very much like the popular song by the
boy-band that shall not be named “What Makes you Beautiful”, creating a
PARADOX)<o:p></o:p></div>
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Deep breath everyone,
you made it!<o:p></o:p></div>
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I mean unless you are
familiar with my writing and just skipped to the end because that's where the
fun is (you dirty dog you), in which case you should be ashamed of yourself
(and know that I totally understand and support your actions thus far... carry
on). If you are sane (very much unlike myself) you may be wandering what
prompted this... uh... writing thingy (can this actually qualify as a blog
post, what with the butchered grammar and whatnot?). Quite frankly I have no
idea, but I am just gonna say that it in no way was an excuse to show off my
vocabulary (and youse guys should stop being all judgey and such about my style
and stuff, I'm only <i>slightly</i> crazy I swear). So yeah that's that... no
deep theological wrap up on this one, no lecture one thankfulness, really that
was it... you can go home now (or log off or whatever, presumably you are
reading this at home). If you have stuck around this far (why would you do that
to yourself?) you might as well stick
around a bit longer and comment.<o:p></o:p></div>
<o:p></o:p>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04377811137315489753noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5553806894139458975.post-82672951186403433852014-05-28T16:57:00.002-04:002014-12-01T13:18:07.116-05:00 the EgoGreetings people of the interwebs... I would like to present a brief logical argument; simply two postulates followed by a simple conclusion (then we can address that title thingy that y'all are probably curious about).<br />
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<b>Postulate #1:</b> creating is terrifying</div>
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<b>Postulate #2:</b> everyone creates</div>
The logical conclusion then is that we are all terrified, and I know what you are thinking, you are gonna say "but Todd <i>I'm </i>not terrified", to which I shall respond, "shut up you don't know what you are talking about... now let me think I'm smart for just a little longer". You see it's actually not creating <i>per se</i> that is terrifying, it's sharing the creation. Perhaps even the thought of sharing your creation is what's terrifying because once your creation is in front of another person you have lost all power and all at once the thing over which you had full control mere seconds ago is well and truly out of your hands. But even that isn't true because you still have all of your hopes, dreams, values, aspirations, and days or weeks, even months or years that you've poured into this... <i style="font-weight: bold;">thing</i>... that you are now sharing with the world, and here's the kicker... <b>they have every right to despise it</b>. So yeah... terrifying right?<br />
<br />
Now to address the second postulate that we are all creators. We have all been pretty well conditioned to believe that this isn't necessarily the case. Steve Jobs *cough* Samsung *cough* makes an iPhone... we buy an iPhone... but that's NOT how the worlds is! Even if you have no way of physically creating a <i style="font-weight: bold;">thing </i>you create <b>ideas</b>, sometimes jokes and hopefully friendships, but ultimately you have a far more intimidating creation we all MUST make. It's the creation that matters most to all of us and is the scariest, most dangerous, most intimate, and most beautiful creation that EVERYBODY gets to make... and that is the <b><i>self</i>.</b> (notice I did not say <i>selfie</i>... as that is a thing that we create far too many of) And this more than any other reason is why I hate when people give the advice to "just be yourself", because who even is that? We are not born with a <i style="font-weight: bold;">self</i>, we create one (we are born with souls and intrinsic value... different rant).You make you out of the books that you read, the expectations you accept from your culture, interactions with your friends and family, as well as countless other factors that I cannot begin to list. And because the <i style="font-weight: bold;">self </i>is this terribly intense and personal creation, when someone tells you they don't like THAT <i style="font-weight: bold;">thing</i>, it's terrible. Which is why talking to a stranger or distant acquaintance is always scary (for me at least). Because when you talk to a new person you are making you inside of their minds, and you don't want to do a bad job because you may never be able to undo that first creation. That is why we all fear judgement so much, because judgement is just someone creating you in their own head without your permission or full knowledge of who you are. They're making you... but they're making you improperly, it's terrifying. <b>ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING.</b><br />
<b><br />
</b> But there are a few ways I've found to make it less so, you can create the bare minimum... just give up... that's good... you can be really bland so as not to agitate anyone's sensitivities... or you can create <i style="font-weight: bold;">things </i>that you don't care about at all, or for people that you don't care about... OR you could just never (EVER!) share what you create... and of course all of these strategies are terrible ways to live. It is awful to see people doing this to their creations... to themselves... and yet we all witness it, perhaps we even participate by TRYING to be boring, or look like everyone else, or worse... not trying at all. All of this has led me to the belief that you know (or think you know) how worthwhile your creation is, be it an object, idea, or you (yes you), by how terrified you are when the time comes to share it with the world. I've only found one real solution to this, which is to just... create... in spite of fear, and to create constantly. To create for strangers, and friends; to create for your idols and your fans (as if I had any), for your peers and your superiors, and to consciously create your own <i style="font-weight: bold;">self</i>, everyday. <u>Make you the you that you feel best inside of.</u> <br />
<br />
(side note: create friendships as often as possible, I believe that friends are the commodity which we should hold most dear, and despite the internet's love of proclaiming "the friend zone" as the most horrid of punishments doled upon men everywhere... the value of a friend will in all likelihood far outweigh that of a high school relationship. By investing in the lives of others and learning to celebrate happiness that is not your own you make your <i style="font-weight: bold;">self</i> far more valuable... and ultimately you are the greatest benefactor.)<br />
<br />
The only way that I've found to temper the fear of creation is to create constantly, to be clear, the fear doesn't go away. You just get more comfortable in it. That comfort... that's what I want to focus on. (man segues are weird) Ever since a friend challenged me to follow the advice I had given him (to care a bit less about what others thought of me) I have been perseverating on the story of one Florence Foster Jenkins.<br />
<br />
For those of you who don't know who Florence Foster Jenkins is, prepare to have your feeble minds blown. I will spare you all the boring detail and simply quote the first line of Wikipedia's article pertaining to her, "Florence Foster Jenkins (July 19, 1868 – November 26, 1944) was an American amateur operatic soprano who was known—and ridiculed—for her lack of rhythm, pitch, and tone; her aberrant pronunciation; and her generally poor singing ability." Lest you think Wikipedia was exaggerating I shall now permit you the joy of hearing her sing for yourself:<br />
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</audio><br />
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go ahead... let that sink in, that was painful. Now try not to be too surprised when I tell you that she SOLD OUT Carnegie Hall. Jenkins began her singing career when she was 44 years old, she was divorced, her parents had died, she had inherited a little bit (ok a lot) of money; and she decided to pursue her dream of becoming a famous opera singer. Honestly she had everything going for her, she had the drive, she had the time, she had the money, she wasn't afraid to fail, there was just the one small problem of being a terrible singer. But that's the crazy thing about her, she couldn't sing at all but she really BELIEVED she could sing. She would come on stage wearing wings and sing Verdi. It would be a total disaster... except that she had fun and everyone in the audience had fun, and as a result she had a pretty successful career. In 1944 Jenkins finally made it to her infamous performance at Carnegie Hall. She played a sold out show at Carnegie Hall and she SUCKED! This is vital because Florence Foster Jenkins set the bar for worst ever Carnegie Hall performance so low that I feel even I could leap over it. Now before attempting to do so I must admit that with my knees locked I can't even touch my toes, why is this relevant? Because that being as it is, realistically I will never achieve my lifelong goal of being a professional contortionist (ok so perhaps that isn't my <i>real </i>goal). Obviously in life you have to find the place where your talents meet the world's needs, but the great lesson of Florence Foster Jenkins is that aptitude is not destiny. I mean lets be perfectly honest here, she (much like I) sang like a tone deaf walrus... with a cold. However, since she refused to be self conscious about doing this thing which she sucked at people responded! Granted, it was often by laughing. But they responded! It was obviously fulfilling for her because she sang for people professionally for nearly 40 years. It sucks to be bad at something you love, but I really admire people who do it anyway (for instance I really admire myself when I attempt to do yoga). While I certainly hope none of us ever replaces Jenkins as the worst performance in the history of Carnegie Hall, I admire her too. As she once put it, "People may say I can't sing, but no one can ever say I didn't sing.".<br />
<br />
Honestly that's exactly how I feel. <u>If I really do create something terrible, if someday my writing, or my <i style="font-weight: bold;">self</i> becomes an object of ridicule I hope that at the very least I can say that I was great... great at being terrible.</u> Because at the end of the day I don't much care whether that stranger remembers our conversation with glowing admiration (I mean that would be nice and all), I care whether or not I allow how people perceive me to effect what I become... and what I make my <i style="font-weight: bold;">self</i> to be. So carry on, and try not to let your prolonged exposure to my peculiarity damage you too badly.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04377811137315489753noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5553806894139458975.post-70390895496655162842014-02-20T22:07:00.000-05:002014-02-20T22:07:07.214-05:00Lessons From Video Games (or why we can't have nice things) So today I am writing about a very serious topic... human nature, and why people (collectively) are terrible. This isn't to say that each and every individual out there is a morally depraved sadist who enjoys stealing candy from babies... but yeah people are jerks.What I am trying to say is that there is something about the knowledge (or belief) that your face and name are not truly being associated with your words or actions that creates some truly terrifying results. The internet has given us an unprecedented portal for social experimentation that quite frankly may blow your mind.<br />
With the information that can be casually observed during your typical browsing session (assuming that session includes social media use and memes) it is possible to understand that in a group of ten perfectly kind people at least one of them will be a "troll"- I understand that this term may require some defining, bear with me- You see when people, particularly the type who inhabit the "interwebs" gather there is discussion. During these discussions you can either learn a great deal or have a chat that vaguely resembles the comment section of a YouTube video... and you NEVER want the latter to happen, yet it always does eventually. This is due to the a fore mentioned "trolls". People who thrive on discord and chaos, people who's mothers should be ashamed (I'm joking but also kind of not). They leave comments with the specific intention of creating a flame war and sit back and watch the show as people debate politics beneath a video about a cat wearing a fedora (no joke that actually happened) (also I already <a href="http://afteralliveseen.blogspot.com/2014/01/dont-hate-me-but.html" target="_blank">discussed politics</a> and I don't understand why we haven't yet attained world peace in the subsequent weeks). Now it is understandable that there are at least a few of these people, when over 3 billion people use the internet everyday a few of them are bound to turn up occasionally, after all as we here on the internet say:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTxbYX210ilc996dDxDKkU8VwEEzEnrsX7_lEu3LIcdiFzUgqcYnyn9fVzti5pgBdSQS14wHjYKP1dIH4Ob8Kkiehg8wJRFL9UR5oAzzJgINpjrXxWm8MTu1oPexgisl-cIGovCV7kUnQ/s1600/Some-men-just-want-to-watch-the-world-burn.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTxbYX210ilc996dDxDKkU8VwEEzEnrsX7_lEu3LIcdiFzUgqcYnyn9fVzti5pgBdSQS14wHjYKP1dIH4Ob8Kkiehg8wJRFL9UR5oAzzJgINpjrXxWm8MTu1oPexgisl-cIGovCV7kUnQ/s1600/Some-men-just-want-to-watch-the-world-burn.jpg" height="320" width="245" /></a></div>
The fascinating thing however is just how prevalent, even celebrated this behavior is. With entire websites dedicated to the "Art of Trolling" people seem to have embraced the idea that it is ok... cool even to mess with others via the internet, and a lot of people would like to know why. This is where video games come in, because a week ago something happened, and I am still unsure whether it is the epitome of idiots wasting their time via the internet or <a href="http://www.twitch.tv/twitchplayspokemon" target="_blank">the most brilliant social experiment ever</a> (that was a link FYI). What I have just attempted to force all of you into viewing is a live stream of over 80,000 people (at the time of writing), playing Pokemon together... as the same character. And if the mode is still, as I strongly believe it will always be, in "anarchy" then you will all get to witness a prime example of trolling, or maybe everyone will get there act together and it will be a beautiful illustration of why I am wrong and people aren't terrible (not likely but fingers crossed).<br />
Why should it matter that 80,000 nerds are attempting to cooperate to beat a simple child's game from 1996? Aside from the landmark event in collaborative gaming, it is a great example of the point that I would ultimately like to make.<br />
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When discussing human nature there is a large difference between the intentions of people as individuals and the actions of the same people when put in large groups, especially when anonymity is a factor. Groups it would seem are inclined to push, even fight, for a goal they deem to be "right" and implies some common sense of morality (be it for whatever reason), and while this may be quite an extrapolation to make from a Pokemon game it makes sense. Many of those people have dedicated hours of there lives to the end of getting everyone else through a game that they could just as easily beat by themselves in a tiny fraction of the time, they are (in an odd way) being quite selfless. The wildcards then are the trolls, these people have no reason to want to impede the progress of the group but do so anyway. These people gain nothing from their efforts, and are putting in just as much time as the ones working through chaotic good towards the end of beating the elite four (I hope you all had good enough childhoods to know what that is). I don't know why it happens, just that it does, and I know that I will never have a good explanation for it. It is however oddly comforting that despite the omnipresence of those who would have otherwise humanity as a whole will try, if poorly, to achieve what they see as right (whether or not it actually is right is a whole different argument that I will not currently have with you).<br />
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So what do you think? Do you agree with the sentiment that humanity as a group at least tries to be good? Or am I just a lunatic that over-romanticizes what I think is kind of cool? Please let me know what you think in the comments, or else I will write my next 20 posts on Twitch playing Pokemon (don't think this is an empty threat, I totally can, and I will).Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04377811137315489753noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5553806894139458975.post-58920108560246465442014-02-13T22:53:00.000-05:002014-02-14T07:57:13.133-05:00A Collective Sigh of Disapproval (if that's your thing)Valentine's Day is here (cue dramatic music), and I have plans!... sort of, I will be either at home or at school (the snow once again plagues our lands) avoiding all of the couples my age.<br />
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So in short </div>
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Because I hate people! Ok, so I don't <i>hate</i> people per se, but I must admit all the phony lovey-dovey junk perturbs me. Or perhaps I am bitter because I have literally always been single on Valentine's Day... with no sign of that changing... LIKE EVER. And so I now present, without equivocation or apology:</div>
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A Loner's Guide to Getting Girls to Like You:</div>
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1)<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>become a puppy, or a kitten, evidently they are "cute" and I totally agree (a sneezing panda bear is also acceptable)</div>
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2)<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>I have had several extremely awkward and (in hindsight) very clumsy "relationships" which consisted of elementary school me being waaaaaaaaay too serious and "romantic" (it wasn't romantic). Don't be elementary school Todd, that does not work</div>
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3)<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>to clarify, girls not named Bella Swan have what I will now refer to as CSR, or Creepy Stalker Radar, try not to activate that</div>
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a)<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Now if I can briefly interrupt my list I think that the second and third points need some explanation. The trouble with guys (me really... honestly I am assuming you are all just me) is that we are needy, but we are taught that we are not allowed to be needy. As a result when we get in a situation where it could just possibly, maybe, be kinda sorta ok(ish) to be vulnerable we (I) sort of rip our chests open and let the need flow out... and its kind of disgusting. My theory is that rational girls (and guys I hope) have this warning system inside their heads and whenever someone gets too obsessed with them it starts beeping like crazy and a loud voice comes from the sky shouting "back away". (which by the way is a totally helpful warning system because no girl (or any other person) is going to fill the holes inside of you)</div>
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4)<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>RELAX</div>
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a)<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>I would like to point the reader’s attention to those fun little Chinese finger cuff game thingies (thingies is a technical term), the more you are panicked and overeager the worse it is. Instead just relax, perhaps there is something to just being yourself. If you need to totally recreate yourself to make things work with another person the two of you could never really get along</div>
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5)<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>It is really helpful if you see girls as people instead of pathways to kissing and/or emotional salvation</div>
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a)<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>One of the things that I have noticed during my brief stint in existence is that if you treat girls like people (albeit people that like fart jokes somewhat less than the rest of your friends) they might actually, oh I don't know... not run away when you try to talk to them. And once you get to the point where they aren't creeped out by you perhaps you could be friends! Maybe... just maybe... one day you could be (wait for it) more than friends (tehe), shocking right, that friendship could be the basis for a later "relationship".</div>
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6)<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Finally, maybe don’t take advice from random kids on the internet who have never had a serious relationship in their lives</div>
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With that out of the way we can get back to the important things, like indiscriminately hating those annoying couples at school.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04377811137315489753noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5553806894139458975.post-19536755647568228212014-01-26T08:55:00.004-05:002014-01-26T08:55:49.665-05:00Don't hate me but...I have not updated this in two weeks, and this was after I (kind of sort of not really) promised to update it weekly. So in an effort to make up for my lack of writing I will... well I'm not going to do a blessed thing, but I thought about it, I really did. All 15 of my regular readers are sincerely thanked for pretending to care for this long. So without further ado I will delve into my latest and greatest rant.<br />
Today in a sad and ultimately useless attempt to be relevant I will be discussing politics... because, why not? It is my (totally correct) (oh and humble) opinion that they are the single most divisive issue in the world (or my world at least) at the moment. Let's face it we all have that one friend who seriously will not shut up about how (insert adjective here) (insert politician here) is... like ever. Be it in the news, online, or in person it seems the only thing that keeps politics from coming up is celebrities getting arrested for drag racing and whatever their poor misguided fans then tweet in response. So let’s argue for a minute here, whether or not you agree with the political ideals which make the most sense to me or not is not the issue, and as far as I am concerned should never be. I want it on record that if I EVER get combative in a discussion about politics you have my permission to slap me... repeatedly, until whatever has come over me gets tired of it... then slap me again for good measure.<br />
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Why? Because we ( I ) need to get something straight... that person we are yelling at... yeah them... WE AREN'T GOING TO CHANGE THEIR MINDS, well not like that anyway. And even if we could are the things that any of us are arguing about worth alienating those around us over? Yes I get it they support such wicked, and morally depraved people and policies... oh the humanity! They must be stopped! Alright so maybe you aren't that dramatic (out loud anyway) but honestly when I listen to these conversations I can feel everyone around me internally (or externally whatever floats your boat) seething at the perceived folly of their counterpart’s views. As one topic of conversation… errr team death match high school politics, leads to another inevitably news outlets come up… and boy does that get ridiculous. Here’s a recap, blah blah blah Fox is biased, blah blah blah so is CNN, blah blah blah we hate each other now. And just like that all hope for civility is destroyed in one fell swoop, because clearly the “mainstream media” is covering politician x’s scandal more than politician y’s and etc. etc. etc. we all hate each other. Sense a trend yet? Because I do, and it disturbs me that we all think politics will actually solve anything.<br />
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Listen to me and listen well because I will only be 17 for so long and after that I can’t guarantee that I will still know everything. No politician or party can or will fix this country, or any country for that matter, and no amount of violence will bring us the change we need. If we want to see our nation or even our neighborhood change for the better we don’t need to just vote for our favorite candidate, we need to invest in the lives of those around us. The mission of the church is and always will be to change hearts, so why now the fixation with changing laws? Yes many of us feel we are helping others by doing so, and maybe you are, but nowhere in the Bible does it command us to legislate our morality (and I maintain that it can’t be done). If anything we are assured that the government will disagree with us, but that we are to submit and love others unconditionally. Do we then allow the laws to be the standard of what we teach as acceptable? Of course not, so why should we make a reputation for ourselves as hateful and uncaring mobs when we could be helping those in need?<br />
Should you vote? There is no good reason not to, but be careful! Don’t get so caught up in looking towards political saviors that you ignore the teaching and message of the ACTUAL savior. If you don’t know where I am coming from I urge you to read the passages below. For the sake of brevity I am just listing the verse(s) that speak most directly to my point, but please read the entire passage on your own, we don’t need any more verses being taken out of context. As always feel free to disagree and let your opinion be heard in the comments section below.<br />
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<b>Romans 13:7</b><br />
Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed.<br />
<b>1 Timothy 2:1-2</b><br />
First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people, for kings and all who are in high positions, that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way.<br />
<b>Matthew 5:43-58</b><br />
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same?<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04377811137315489753noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5553806894139458975.post-6839231354163263762014-01-11T09:30:00.002-05:002014-01-11T09:32:13.868-05:00Argument in 3..2..1...So... does anybody else remember how I made that <a href="http://afteralliveseen.blogspot.com/2014/01/the-bandwagon-has-been-joined.html" target="_blank">new years resolution</a>, well I do, and I would like to say that technically I have not broken it... yet, I didn't actually specify a starting date. So I guess this means I am supposed to say something deep and thought provoking now... that's a lot of pressure guys, which means I am going the opposite direction (sorry, not sorry).<br />
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In lieu of any serious introspective thoughts today I am offering some very random and possibly boring thoughts I had on Tuesday. I chose that day because something very interesting happened, it was deemed too cold to go to school; I am just going to let that one sink in while I inform you that there was ice on the <b>inside</b> of my bedroom window. So naturally I will be taking this opportunity to lecture my imaginary audience about energy efficiency and insulation because you know everybody just loves to talk about that. Of course I'm not going to do that, none of you thought I was going to do that (right? you do still expect a tad bit more excitement then that don't you). Instead I will be filling you in on the current state of television.<br />
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Now I know what you are all thinking, "here comes another rant telling us about how TV used to be better and how now it just makes us dumb" and I disagree, I maintain that TV has always been making us dumb. Here's why, because although a lot of people will agree that it has gotten more brazenly inappropriate since (insert meaningless "landmark" in openly "dirty" television) I believe that what we watch isn't the problem so much as why we watch. Mark my words, I am not saying watch whatever you want, if anything I am cautioning you to do the opposite.<br />
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A quick perusal of the offerings of cable TV will demonstrate what I mean. Almost without fail the most watched shows rely heavily on themes that as Christians, heck as decent people we should be nothing if not wary of. Even the most innocent of shows now features multiple innuendos tucked away in each episode, why? Because they can, and because nobody is going to do anything about it, and I am not going to lie I LIKE watching TV, so who am I to tell everyone not to watch it? But regardless of how innocent it may seem it has struck me that we should not be so readily entertained by the morally degraded actions of our favorite characters. If you would not condone your children carrying out the actions you see on TV then why would you sit down in front of the idiot box and watch them play out for an hour? The hyper-sexual crap that we stream into our houses at 1080p at prime time isn't the only problem. Even the shows that make a genuine effort to stay family friendly need a gimmick of some sort, because we all know that only the shows aimed at the lowest common denominator make money, and so there we sit watching shows that have plots which can be summed up as "ha-ha look at the silly rednecks" (I am looking at YOU Duck Dynasty). I know I am going to take flack for insulting the "role models" on that show but it is a clear example of a network taking advantage of the odd system we have where famous+Christian= infallible. And if you really examine the show most of the story line revolves around them doing some ridiculous and staged stunt that makes us laugh because... well at least we aren't dumb enough to do THAT! So I am joining the chorus of "boring" old guys with nothing to do and issuing a statement that will almost certainly be misapplied.<br />
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When you are watching TV just think about what it is you are buying into, is finding out if your two favorite characters will end up together really that important? Or perhaps this is the guy who really wants to be a millionaire? Maybe you just HAVE TO KNOW how Sherlock survived his fall, and if it is that important to you then go ahead, but be wary, because nothing devours productivity and dulls your wit faster than letting the idiot box dictate how you spend your time. Television certainly isn't evil in and of itself, but the tendency it has to control our time, and steer conversation shows that it is more important to you than you think.<br />
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My final thought is to simply say this... think about how nice a good bookshelf would look in place of that TV.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04377811137315489753noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5553806894139458975.post-67724671806710506302014-01-02T17:27:00.000-05:002014-01-02T18:37:11.543-05:00The Bandwagon has Been Joined...<div style="text-align: center;">
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Cue up the trumpets and fan fare its 2014!</h3>
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And here I am writing my "year in review" post a full 72 hours after everybody else... yay. So as the last of the confetti gets swept away and we all prepare to re-enter the hum-drum of everyday life lets make our collective half-hearted promises or "resolutions". Mine will be <a href="http://www.newegg.com/Product/Product.aspx?Item=N82E16824236153" target="_blank">1920x1080</a>...<br />
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I apologize, that pun was cheesy and uncalled for (I regret nothing). </div>
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I have been having a hard time coming up with resolutions, and according to the internet I should take either one of multiple paths.</div>
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<ol>
<li>just give up and don't have any, this has the added benefit of letting you mock the readily apparent stupidity of other's plans without being a hypocrite. (I like this one it offers instant reward with minimal effort, with the <i>minor</i> side effect of appearing to be a total jerk)</li>
<li>Go the opposite direction entirely and choose an unrealistic one (for instance joining... and actually <b>GOING TO...</b> a local gym) all the while foolishly posting your decision all over the internet. (bad plan everybody)</li>
<li>choose an easily attainable and seemingly worthless goal that you are certain to reach and can later look back at with a sense of accomplishment... be it somewhat mitigated by the ease of your task. (for instance if I vowed to spend 20 extra minutes a day watching TV, I could do it, but who would be proud of that feat?)</li>
<li>I could actually uphold the original intent of the concept and set a difficult but achievable goal that will make me a better human being and/or teach me a lesson along the way, but who does that anymore?</li>
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And with all that in mind I will proceed to promptly ignore it all. Why? because reasons... and stuff, and because if I happen to break a few rules nobody who reads random blogs on Google is going to care, which brings me to my first one.<br />
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<li>I will <i>try</i>* to post weekly updates on this blog so that those few who actually read this faithfully will at least have something to look forward to when they wander over to this web address occasionally.</li>
<li>I will <i>try</i>* to find a bit of emotion** in my daily life aside from the overwhelmingly powerful feeling of "meh, whatever" that currently dictates my writing and leads to such unfiltered rants as <a href="http://afteralliveseen.blogspot.com/2013/12/grab-gas-masks-love-is-in-air-and-i.html" target="_blank">this</a>.</li>
<li>And finally I will <i>try</i>* to start proof reading my posts rather than sitting down for ten minutes and posting the result, because apparently writers don't just submit the intellectual equivalent of their half chewed food and call it a day (my bad).</li>
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* try indicates a concerted effort when I am up to it, and in no way constitutes genuine work or any use of the word for what it was intended </div>
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** emotion includes indifference and in no way commits the author of this blog to actually change anything</div>
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So that's all folks, I am deeply sorry if you were hoping for some kind of emotional wrap up or half finished lesson because there is literally nothing in this paragraph but mindless filler I don't even know what I'm saying, wow this is a long run on... are you seriously still reading this? Yeah the post is over, go back to stalking people on Facebook, crawling through your twitter news feed, or whatever the heck it is you do people do. Wait! you're still there? cool (I am taking your silence as a yes) take a second to share and comment you lout. (pretty please... I won't throw baseless insults at you without knowing who you are anymore!I am a changed man I promise)</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04377811137315489753noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5553806894139458975.post-2207430792149653672013-12-28T09:53:00.000-05:002014-01-01T20:49:08.122-05:00Grab the Gas Masks Love is in the air (and I hear its contagious)Over the Christmas break I have had a lot of time to reflect, and boy did I blow it by not making a cheesy “reason for the season” post… so moving on from that tragedy I am not quite sure where to go with this post. Somewhere around Christmas Eve I started thinking that it would be a great idea to discuss all the major emotions in a series of posts that would… wait no bad idea… that would go downhill fast. But of course you all want me to rant about my new tools (yes I did in fact get those 2 years in a row now), or perhaps you would like me to go into great detail about our time watching (and/or mocking) Hallmark movies as a family. But I think I will talk about an even less personal topic, love.<br />
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(Yes! I did it! That last line was a <b>Bombshell!</b>)I bet all three of my readers are wondering why I just said that love wasn’t personal, or perhaps simply commenting that this blog could use with a few less of my thought process being recreated on the page, and to you I say it’s my blog I DO WHAT I WANT. <br />
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So where were we… oh yes, love that thing that everybody and their mother seems to have an entire book of clichés about. I may have lied when I said this would not focus on Hallmark movies, because if we are to talk about clichés where else would we start? According to their formula (seriously I think they just take old scripts and change a few names) love can be characterized roughly as “feelings and stuff”, ok so not quite that much like how a fourth grader would say it but you get the point. If we are to believe even for a second that they portray the model of romantic love then we would live and decide our lives in that area based solely on attraction, be it physical, emotional, or otherwise. But coming from someone who was a modicum of experience watching those relationships fall apart (I do go to high school after all) I can say I have my doubts in the merits of that system. I may be wrong or just far too cynical but it looks as if we are practicing for divorce as teenagers. Let me explain… every day I watch my peers “fall in love” (which shouldn’t be a saying but I digress), get far too physical far too fast, and all too often break up just as suddenly. The reason I’m not overly fond of that kind of living shouldn’t need explanation but perhaps my loathing of a certain phrase might. “Falling in love” implies a lack of control, and certainly if you are discussing attraction then “falling” certainly applies, it is fast and uncontrollable, but love is nothing of the sort. Perhaps I am naive but I believe that we use that word far too loosely, we LOVE that pizza, millions of people LOVE that pop artist, but in either example aside from a few bizarre outliers none of us really means it. The reason I say this is because LOVE is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.<br />
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And if you haven’t figured it out quite yet I was quoting scripture, yes that dreaded “draconian” text that is spoken of in hushed tones in school, specifically 1 Corinthians 13:1-7. And say what you will about anything else inside that text but the wisdom of this passage is pretty obvious. If I had to sum it up in one sentence it would be that in all circumstances love is a verb. Love is not an emotion, or a feeling, and I think we have missed the mark entirely by applying it so unanimously to romantic notions. The ubiquity of love in our pop culture is hard to miss, it (or a perversion thereof) is the subject of most of our most beloved songs, and every b-rate film has at least one love driven sub plot. However, if conventional wisdom is to be bucked (and it should) then the feelings we celebrate are inconsequential. That is not to say they are not powerful, or that they are bad. In fact if they didn’t hold such sway over us do you think the world would have been so shocked when the Beatles managed to have chart topping singles that (Gasp) weren’t about love?! The point of all of this is actually quite simple, emotions can be great, and if you happen to like how the people you love look then bonus points to you guys, but even the perfect person cannot be so forever, and love comes in when the façade fades and you are forced to come to terms with the reality of others. They (we) are all flawed and sometimes love looks like encouraging your son’s stupid hobbies by giving him the tools he needs for Christmas.<br />
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04377811137315489753noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5553806894139458975.post-3762900165821370852013-11-26T23:30:00.000-05:002015-01-02T11:01:32.591-05:00Contentment (or how to save yourself) It is approximately midnight, all day I have wanted nothing but to sleep, and yet, here I sit at a computer typing. I tell you this not because I want sympathy, many of you have had far later and much less restful nights, but because I cannot sleep and that is when I get sappier than a chick flick… so buckle up.<br />
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> This late in November it is a nigh impossible task to spend any meaningful time on the internet and not come across a slew of articles, clips, and blog posts about thankfulness and contentment, and trust me I have tried. Who are these strangers to tell ME how to be thankful; I am the master of thankfulness. I am entirely content (except for that list of gifts I want for my birthday and/or Christmas) but you guys don’t understand, I NEED that new computer, and my PS2 and NES are seriously out of date. Surely they must understand that is true suffering. So it was a real shock to the system over the last 48 hours to realize that my world view is so fundamentally wrong.<br />
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The last year has made me a different person, but it never prepared me to face Thanksgiving, not this year not with my grandmother were she is. I am watching the bravest person I have ever known lose the hardest fight of her life and the realization of her disease has knocked the wind out of me. So how now can I find the strength to be truly thankful when I know that so much pain is coming? Perhaps contentment comes when you don’t expect improvement. It may seem like a rather uncouth time to blame society but when we annually celebrate such a selfish practice as trampling one another for cheap electronics just hours after celebrating what we are thankful for I find it hard to be sincere. Each year the promise of upcoming gifts looms over the temporary and manufactured joy of simply being happy. And so as I prepare to spend what we know to be our last holidays with someone so dear to my family it isn’t unreasonable to say that this year more than ever I will be content.<br />
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Maybe I am overtired, perhaps I am just emotional, and it’s possible that I am simply off my rocker, but I don’t think that’s the case. <b>I think that we tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.</b> And right now what I do have is a chance to say goodbye, so as I try to get some rest, I pray that the God who has so altered the course of my family’s life would find it in his heart to heal my grandma. And I am praying for a heart that is willing to praise him if he does not, and celebrate the time we have left with her.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04377811137315489753noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5553806894139458975.post-46204735074115645182013-11-17T19:59:00.000-05:002013-11-17T19:59:01.264-05:00So I am still Alive... Oh I and I still do that Writing thingIt seems that I haven't posted since June... It also seems that I no longer have any subscribers... so that's fun. Good news, I didn't fall of the face of the earth, bad news... I literally have zero free time. So much has happened in the last few months that I cannot even begin to sum it up in one post, nor do I really want to try. Instead I will give you what my dad likes to call the "guy" version, which means short and simplified to the point of inaccuracy. School happened, school and sports and family and a job and tears and stuff, yeah apparently I can be sappy… get over it. I am simply posting now to inform any poor soul still browsing this blog that I am sorry, and that I will be posting again soon, and don’t worry I fully intend on over using the ellipses just as much as ever…<br />
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>So yeah this is still a thing that exists<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04377811137315489753noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5553806894139458975.post-88904773336475427572013-06-25T08:15:00.000-04:002014-03-21T16:15:05.016-04:00Cerulean BlueThis is an old post that I wrote back in April. It was posted on my original site on April 11, it is my thoughts and reactions to how autism is treated by schools and even organizations such as Autism Speaks. Please comment with your thoughts:<br />
<br />
April, like clockwork the process of plastering everything with the cerulean blue of autism awareness begins same as every year. Each year growing up I have been made to sit through videos all through the month of April "educating" me about the so called tsunami of autism. But this year is different, for the first time I am going into this month with genuine knowledge about the disorder, and suddenly the false spotlight of April does more than simply shine, it burns, it stigmatizes.<br />
All at once the student council is full of "experts" each one of whom regards autism as a disease to be cured, or a plight which must be eradicated. And each time one of them opens their mouths and begins to recite their speech about autism I die a little bit inside. I open my mouth to rebut, but nothing comes out and I silently go about my day wishing I had the courage speak.<br />
Sometimes I think about what I would have said to those kids, how would I show them that autism isn't a disease, and how would I explain why I care, how could I get my peers to understand that what they don't understand can hurt me more than they know? I listen as comments so ignorant they boggle my mind are made, people are so blissfully stupid that it is easier for them to simply take up the pseudo crusade of autism awareness and ignore those around them who are living with autism every day than it is to educate themselves. I am on the spectrum, not that any of the students that surround me know that. I do not lack empathy, as everyone seems to think of us with autism, in fact I feel more deeply for the suffering of others than many of my peers can imagine. I do not lack emotion, or feeling, and I am not an idiot. And yet, the very people who claim to be the champions of the autistic continually reinforce these same false statements as fact, that all autistic people are somehow damaged.<br />
When I was diagnosed just a few months ago I was in shock, I wanted to scream I am not broken! I had always assumed that autistic was just another word for mentally deficient. I grew up with the idea that because people were different they were somehow worse. The last month or so I have realized that mercifully, incredibly, I was dead wrong. We are human beings with uniquely valuable traits, while social interaction might not be my forte, I take serious offense at the thought that because of some diagnosis I am somehow inferior to my neurotypical counterparts, and have begun to resent the groups such as autism speaks which paint with such a wide brush, assuming that we cannot speak for ourselves, when in fact we can. While some may be nonverbal or even borderline, when given a computer suddenly people who were stigmatized as idiots are capable of expressing amazingly complex ideas. These organizations should highlight that, push for acceptance. Instead we are represented with a puzzle piece. As if the videos and lights were not bad enough, the symbol is a stunningly brazen stab at the autistic community. Perhaps I am the only one who sees this but to me the puzzle piece flies in the face of all that the month supposedly represents. We are not fragmented puzzles, I am a complete human being, with complete human feelings. April should be about learning to accept and encourage those among us with autism, not stigmatize and demean them.<br />
Let me be clear -- autism is not a disease. Autism is a congenital variation in neurological structure -- and a lot of us take pride in our difference. So stop referring to autism as a tsunami, a deluge, an epidemic, a tragedy, a situation, and most of all… a burden. Autism does not need a cure, it needs recognition as a community of individuals who think differently.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04377811137315489753noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5553806894139458975.post-4756893526482186512013-06-06T16:43:00.002-04:002013-06-06T16:45:22.891-04:00So I guess this is "finding yourself"?<div class="MsoNormal">
Hello all! I know it has been a while since I last posted
due to the incredibly hectic schedule I had at the end of the school year. So
without further ado I would like to begin…</div>
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<b><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: large;">On Planning for the future</span></span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: large;">:</span><span style="font-size: 16pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></b></div>
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High school is overwhelming at times, which is scary because
at this time it is readily apparent that the real trouble doesn't start until
after graduation… oh boy. I appreciate that the school administrators are
simply concerned for or future and that is why they force us to take so many
career oriented classes, but honestly for me that has been the hardest part of
school. This is not because these classes are exceedingly difficult (in all
honesty they are guaranteed A’s), but rather because they are meant to help us
make the overwhelming decision on what it is we would like to do for the rest
of our lives. Granted there really is no pressure on us to make actual
decisions in the classroom setting, I began to realize just how daunting of a
task growing up really is. </div>
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<s>For the longest time I have had little to no clue what I
want to do. <o:p></o:p></s></div>
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Errr, well actually I have… kind of. You see I have this bad
habit where I decide that I definitely want to do something, and sticking by
the plan whole heartedly… for approximately two months at best. To pull an example
from the nerdier recesses of the internet I most definitely want to be a floral anthropological historian one day (this is false) and the next I have decided
that I like my prospect more as a professional career fabricator (that is one
who creates fake jobs for a living). While these are both utterly ridiculous
concepts the reality of my wild fluctuations in interests has presented itself
as a problem. What does one do when he could find himself loving certain
aspects of almost any job but hating the bulk of most? Do I simply decide to
search for contentment by finding the job I hate least? I hope not, because I
refuse to simply settle for finding a career based on merely how tolerable I find it. So
what than is my next step? I for one have decided to explore just what it is
that I really enjoy, and you know what my interests have never really changed,
they are just numerous, and quite frankly varied. Here it is me, in a list:</div>
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<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">I find computers fascinating, but am most
content outdoors</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Paradoxically my love for the outdoors leads me
to love technology more, I need balance</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">I enjoy creativity and inventiveness, in writing
and creating physical objects</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Often I am incapable of completing a project in
writing or mechanical invention without first taking a break to pursue the
other hobby</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">I love people</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Paradoxically I simultaneously hate dealing with
them</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">I cannot be placed at a desk and told to work, I
need movement and I need freedom</span></li>
</ul>
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My list is
far from complete I, like everyone else, am incredibly complex and you know
what? I am no closer to finding my dream job, but guess what I still have two
years of high school. So if you had to describe yourself in under 10 bullet points, how would you do it?</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04377811137315489753noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5553806894139458975.post-9996854592780056682013-05-23T16:42:00.000-04:002013-05-23T16:50:31.954-04:00On talking... or whatever it is I do around peopleHi, how are you? Crazy weather right?<br />
<br />
Simple if nothing else, these conversation starters may not make you the most well liked person in the world, but at least they get people talking…. right? I mean the weather in Lancaster is super bipolar, and therefore usually a suitable topic.<br />
I wouldn't really know. It’s not that I haven’t tried, I have, believe me, I have. Not that I don’t want to connect as I assure you again, it seems at times to be the sole goal of my efforts. Then, what is holding me back? Nerves? I don’t think so, I don’t get nervous about talking to people but I just don’t understand people, perhaps worse I can’t understand my own brain.<br />
At times it seems that it’s my worst enemy, just picture for a moment I were a fighter jet (bear with me) and a good one at that, I am talking top of the line brand spanking new super-secret research project and my brain was the pilot. I have just embarked on my first combat mission (I am coming to a point soon… I think) well at first sight of an enemy, even one which is far out gunned, my brain hits the eject button. By the time I realize it was just a weather balloon the pilot has already jettisoned and is floating softly to the ground as the now out of control multi-billion dollar jet plummets to the earth….<br />
Perhaps I am being a bit melodramatic but that’s how it feels at times. Suddenly and without warning my mental faculties cease mid conversation, and I am left silent and confused, incapable of communicating. All the strategies and planning in the world can’t save me now, mid-sentence with nothing to say. And that prodigious vocabulary that took years to hone? Gone. My now seemingly absent mind offers up a few meager samplings, about five words… typically resulting in such bumbled attempts to communicate as. Um, well, like you see…. that um like um…. bye.<br />
I do understand that it is always safe to ask questions as long as you have a genuine interest and can do so without repeating yourself or sounding creepy, but honestly I have the tact of a stampede of elephants, and that’s being generous. It’s not because I’m not confident, just ask me, I’m awesome. But finding something… anything to say that doesn't get weird stares often feels like and impossible task.<br />
Today I won’t be offering any answers, just questions. Does anybody else feel like this sometimes? What do you do to help keep up the conversation that you have gotten yourself into?Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04377811137315489753noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5553806894139458975.post-30773796856723849692013-05-22T13:38:00.003-04:002013-05-22T13:39:16.070-04:00Introductions (my first rant)<br />
<strike>For the records</strike><br />
<strike>write this down</strike><br />
OK forget the catch-phrase, that's never gonna happen. I guess here goes nothing...<br />
I once heard it said that each and every one of us is suffering through the same debilitating mental illness... mortality. Variations of the quote have it ending with the words humanity, sin, emotion, etc. Essentially word choice is important, that quote can inspire, demoralize, confuse, and polarize, sometimes even all of the above. Regardless, I have chosen to focus on the first part of that phrase "each and every one of us" the author of this quote would have us believe that we all are driven by the same thing, that the human condition as its referred to affects us all in the same way, or at least that’s how I took it. Right away I entered a fit of indignation, I was screaming on the inside, how could anyone be so ignorant? Had they not noticed the kids like me sitting in the corner, not interacting, apart, and seemingly entirely isolated? Sure I try to keep up with what’s happening in the world around me, I listen to popular music (Dizzy Gillespie is still popular right?), watch popular television (the second doctor was the best, period), and even watch popular sports at times (F.C. Chelsea all the way). But yeah, it’s pretty safe to say I live under a rock. At least it’s a rock with windows, that is to say I spend five days a week in the penitentiary called high school, where like it or not, I am forced to get my daily dose of social interaction. Each day my peers seem to interact without fear or trepidation whilst I struggle agonize in my attempt to connect. But aside from my many (currently unimportant) qualms with our education system I don’t dread it anymore. If nothing else I have become a master at listening and observing. One of the things that I noticed right away is that if you are willing to shut up and listen, which comes very naturally to me, people will pour their souls out to you. And do you know what? That quote isn’t wrong, while not everyone is as socially awkward as me and certainly very few get frustrated as quickly as I, one thing is sure… everyone feels incomplete. And while people still don’t make sense to me I have been able to wrap my head around one thing.<br />
No matter who you are, what groups you claim membership of, where your allegiance lies, or how you view religion/ politics/ insert controversial issue here; each of us has a void, a flaw, a missing piece if you will. And so without further ado I would like to pose a question, THE question that I hope will get us all started off on the right foot. Please answer as you feel comfortable in the forum section under introductions and be honest.<br />
Who am I and what makes me unique? And: What do I feel I am missing? (I know it is two questions, but it’s my blog I don’t have to play fair)Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04377811137315489753noreply@blogger.com0