Contentment (or how to save yourself)

         It is approximately midnight, all day I have wanted nothing but to sleep, and yet, here I sit at a computer typing.  I tell you this not because I want sympathy, many of you have had far later and much less restful nights, but because I cannot sleep and that is when I get sappier than a chick flick… so buckle up.
This late in November it is a nigh impossible task to spend any meaningful time on the internet and not come across a slew of articles, clips, and blog posts about thankfulness and contentment, and trust me I have tried. Who are these strangers to tell ME how to be thankful; I am the master of thankfulness. I am entirely content (except for that list of gifts I want for my birthday and/or Christmas) but you guys don’t understand, I NEED that new computer, and my PS2 and NES are seriously out of date. Surely they must understand that is true suffering. So it was a real shock to the system over the last 48 hours to realize that my world view is so fundamentally wrong.
The last year has made me a different person, but it never prepared me to face Thanksgiving, not this year not with my grandmother were she is. I am watching the bravest person I have ever known lose the hardest fight of her life and the realization of her disease has knocked the wind out of me. So how now can I find the strength to be truly thankful when I know that so much pain is coming? Perhaps contentment comes when you don’t expect improvement. It may seem like a rather uncouth time to blame society but when we annually celebrate such a selfish practice as trampling one another  for cheap electronics just hours after celebrating what we are thankful for I find it hard to be sincere. Each year the promise of upcoming gifts looms over the temporary and manufactured joy of simply being happy. And so as I prepare to spend what we know to be our last holidays with someone so dear to my family it isn’t unreasonable to say that this year more than ever I will be content.
Maybe I am overtired, perhaps I am just emotional, and it’s possible that I am simply off my rocker, but I don’t think that’s the case. I think that we tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. And right now what I do have is a chance to say goodbye, so as I try to get some rest, I pray that the God who has so altered the course of my family’s life would find it in his heart to heal my grandma. And I am praying for a heart that is willing to praise him if he does not, and celebrate the time we have left with her.

So I am still Alive... Oh I and I still do that Writing thing

It seems that I haven't posted since June... It also seems that I no longer have any subscribers... so that's fun. Good news, I didn't fall of the face of the earth, bad news... I literally have zero free time. So much has happened in the last few months that I cannot even begin to sum it up in one post, nor do I really want to try. Instead I will give you what my dad likes to call the "guy" version, which means short and simplified to the point of inaccuracy. School happened, school and sports and family and a job and tears and stuff, yeah apparently I can be sappy… get over it. I am simply posting now to inform any poor soul still browsing this blog that I am sorry, and that I will be posting again soon, and don’t worry I fully intend on over using the ellipses just as much as ever…
So yeah this is still a thing that exists