So guys I have this freakish talent... it’s pretty great.
It takes a lifetime of work to master it as it requires a truly mesmerizing
amount of muscle control in my mouth, and throat... and abdomen. It can be
beautiful or terrifying depending on my mood and only 1/8.7 million species on
earth is capable of doing it.
yeah... it’s basically the coolest thing I can do.
I can talk (yay anticlimax!). Seriously though! WORDS!
crazy stuff... Noises come out of my food hole, and I direct them at other
people and they just go "yeah sounds great, I'll meet you at Buffalo Wild
Wings at 7:30”, it’s a miracle. The bigger miracle I think is that we don't
notice how remarkable an ability we possess. Think about it, we have words for
EVERYTHING! Just look around you, there are books (for your sake I hope so),
which are just a large cache of words which have a meaning (oh oh oh, more
words) its on PAPER attached to a SPINE, and paperbacks use CARDSTOCK, the back
of which contains BLURBS (yeah... blurbs... that’s a thing)
ALSO:
yeah, that’s a CHIMERA (hooray for horrific flashbacks to Fullmetal
Alchemist), we have a word for when people decide to randomly throw a bunch
of animals together. If I look around I see a LANYARD (what? Who came up with?
What?! Why?!) We have words... for words, NOUNS and VERBS, and ADJECTIVES, and
ADVERBS, and words for things that mean the same thing as other words and words
for things that have the opposite meaning of other words (homonyms and antonyms
respectively for all ya'll who done missed elementary school) We have so many
words that we have some words that mean the opposite of themselves, INFLAMMABLE
means both very easy to catch on fire... and very hard to catch on fire (Whaaaaaaaat?).
SENGUINE means both CHEERFULL... and BLOODTHIRSTY. GOOD NEWS THOUGH! We
have a word for when things mean the opposite of the thing that they mean
(AUTOANTONYM or CONTRANYM, not paradox... I'll get to that in a minute). BUT if
we didn't have a word for it there would still be a word for it (sound of me
blowing my own mind) (oh and being humble... don't forget that tidbit) because
we have a word for when there isn't a word for a thing (LACUNA). Yeah, take
some time to think about that... It is so unusual to encounter a situation in
which you don't have a word for a thing that most people don't even know that
there is a word for when the thing doesn't have a word for it (give it a
minute)(seriously... I'll wait).
We even have a word (phrase really... is that cheating? I
don't really know the rules I’m just winging this) for the best possible word
to use in any given situation (MOT JUSTE) which means that if you need the best
possible word to describe the best possible word it describes itself. In fact
there are a number of words that describe themselves, noun is a noun, CUTESY
sounds kind of adorable, MAGNILLIQUENT means grandiose (and also sounds pretty
dang grandiose), POLYSYLLABIC is polysyllabic, UNHYPHENATED is unhyphenated,
and at one point the word COINED... was coined. At this point I hope none of
you will be surprised to find that there is a word for words that describe
themselves, and that word is AUTOLOGICAL, which is also autological in that it
describes itself. That's not even the hard part though.
The hard
part is that autological has an antonym (HETEROLOGICAL, side note long is
heterological because it is a short word). Heterological doesn't describe
itself... because it doesn't describe itself... but it does describe itself...
because it doesn't describe itself(thus, very much like the popular song by the
boy-band that shall not be named “What Makes you Beautiful”, creating a
PARADOX)
Deep breath everyone,
you made it!
I mean unless you are
familiar with my writing and just skipped to the end because that's where the
fun is (you dirty dog you), in which case you should be ashamed of yourself
(and know that I totally understand and support your actions thus far... carry
on). If you are sane (very much unlike myself) you may be wandering what
prompted this... uh... writing thingy (can this actually qualify as a blog
post, what with the butchered grammar and whatnot?). Quite frankly I have no
idea, but I am just gonna say that it in no way was an excuse to show off my
vocabulary (and youse guys should stop being all judgey and such about my style
and stuff, I'm only slightly crazy I swear). So yeah that's that... no
deep theological wrap up on this one, no lecture one thankfulness, really that
was it... you can go home now (or log off or whatever, presumably you are
reading this at home). If you have stuck around this far (why would you do that
to yourself?) you might as well stick
around a bit longer and comment.
