On talking... or whatever it is I do around people

Hi, how are you? Crazy weather right?

Simple if nothing else, these conversation starters may not make you the most well liked person in the world, but at least they get people talking…. right? I mean the weather in Lancaster is super bipolar, and therefore usually a suitable topic.
I wouldn't really know. It’s not that I haven’t tried, I have, believe me, I have. Not that I don’t want to connect as I assure you again, it seems at times to be the sole goal of my efforts. Then, what is holding me back? Nerves? I don’t think so, I don’t get nervous about talking to people but I just don’t understand people, perhaps worse I can’t understand my own brain.
At times it seems that it’s my worst enemy, just picture for a moment I were a fighter jet (bear with me) and a good one at that, I am talking top of the line brand spanking new super-secret research project and my brain was the pilot. I have just embarked on my first combat mission (I am coming to a point soon… I think) well at first sight of an enemy, even one which is far out gunned, my brain hits the eject button. By the time I realize it was just a weather balloon the pilot has already jettisoned and is floating softly to the ground as the now out of control multi-billion dollar jet plummets to the earth….
Perhaps I am being a bit melodramatic but that’s how it feels at times. Suddenly and without warning my mental faculties cease mid conversation, and I am left silent and confused, incapable of communicating. All the strategies and planning in the world can’t save me now, mid-sentence with nothing to say. And that prodigious vocabulary that took years to hone? Gone. My now seemingly absent mind offers up a few meager samplings, about five words… typically resulting in such bumbled attempts to communicate as. Um, well, like you see…. that um like um…. bye.
I do understand that it is always safe to ask questions as long as you have a genuine interest and can do so without repeating yourself or sounding creepy, but honestly I have the tact of a stampede of elephants, and that’s being generous. It’s not because I’m not confident, just ask me, I’m awesome. But finding something… anything to say that doesn't get weird stares often feels like and impossible task.
Today I won’t be offering any answers, just questions. Does anybody else feel like this sometimes? What do you do to help keep up the conversation that you have gotten yourself into?

Introductions (my first rant)

For the records
write this down
OK forget the catch-phrase, that's never gonna happen. I guess here goes nothing...
I once heard it said that each and every one of us is suffering through the same debilitating mental illness... mortality. Variations of the quote have it ending with the words humanity, sin, emotion, etc. Essentially word choice is important, that quote can inspire, demoralize, confuse, and polarize, sometimes even all of the above. Regardless, I have chosen to focus on the first part of that phrase "each and every one of us" the author of this quote would have us believe that we all are driven by the same thing, that the human condition as its referred to affects us all in the same way, or at least that’s how I took it. Right away I entered a fit of indignation, I was screaming on the inside, how could anyone be so ignorant? Had they not noticed the kids like me sitting in the corner, not interacting, apart, and seemingly entirely isolated? Sure I try to keep up with what’s happening in the world around me, I listen to popular music (Dizzy Gillespie is still popular right?), watch popular television (the second doctor was the best, period), and even watch popular sports at times (F.C. Chelsea all the way). But yeah, it’s pretty safe to say I live under a rock. At least it’s a rock with windows, that is to say I spend five days a week in the penitentiary called high school, where like it or not, I am forced to get my daily dose of social interaction. Each day my peers seem to interact without fear or trepidation whilst I struggle agonize in my attempt to connect. But aside from my many (currently unimportant) qualms with our education system I don’t dread it anymore. If nothing else I have become a master at listening and observing. One of the things that I noticed right away is that if you are willing to shut up and listen, which comes very naturally to me, people will pour their souls out to you. And do you know what? That quote isn’t wrong, while not everyone is as socially awkward as me and certainly very few get frustrated as quickly as I, one thing is sure… everyone feels incomplete. And while people still don’t make sense to me I have been able to wrap my head around one thing.
No matter who you are, what groups you claim membership of, where your allegiance lies, or how you view religion/ politics/ insert controversial issue here; each of us has a void, a flaw, a missing piece if you will. And so without further ado I would like to pose a question, THE question that I hope will get us all started off on the right foot. Please answer as you feel comfortable in the forum section under introductions and be honest.
Who am I and what makes me unique? And: What do I feel I am missing? (I know it is two questions, but it’s my blog I don’t have to play fair)